Oh NO!

Found this on the Daily Mirror today....

A Muslim student has been left shocked after receiving two racist ‘jokes’ by a text service operated by 118 118.
Kameron Abbas, 21, used the new joke service run by the directory inquiries company after seeing it advertised on TV.
He was horrified when he got sent a message saying: “What’s the difference between ET and an Asian? ET got the message and went home.”
Stunned he then requested another, using his friend Imran Shah’s phone, and received: “How do you save a drowning Pakistani? Take your foot off his head.”
The student from the University of Central Lancashire is now considering legal action against the firm, which admitted a ‘breach of standards’.
He said: “We couldn't believe the response. It was more Bernard Manning than Harry Hill. It was disgraceful and these people should be reported.

I think they should be reported too. For charging money for jokes as old and shite as these....

Wedding Bells and Straight Jackets

Yes I was scanning the papers this morning to see what bullshit was being published. Low and behold the daily "Rag" came up trumps yet again.

Ok, two people got married in Rampton Hospital. Big deal, people get married in jail all the time, so why would being in a high secure wing be any different?

Ah, but these pair are getting conjugal rights [I'm surprised the writer of the piece knows what that means and how to spell it]

Are they really, I wondered....

No, they're not. I think whoever told the daily "rag" this was winding them up, or, in true classic "Sun" style they made it up.

I've visited Rampton Hospital. On visits, two members of staff are there in the room at all times, and yes, it is watched via CCTV as well. You aren't allowed to kiss your loved one unless it's a peck on the cheek, and NO touching during the visit. I think it's a bit harsh, but Rampton, like everywhere else, has to cover their own backsides.

Once again the daily rag has exploited the brain dead general public with crap. What for? Why to whip them into a frenzy of self righteousness of course.

Well, it sells papers doesn't it, and you might run out of loo roll some day....

And Talking About Curry....

It's nice to see that the Sun newspaper [and I use the term newspaper lightly] is helping Whitemoor with its curry crisis today.

After talking to a few people I'm amazed the prison officers didn't leak this story earlier, are they slipping? Eid [or whatever it's called] was over a month ago surely?

Still, time for Mr Rodford to go. He may not be able to organise a piss up in a brewery, but he can really organise a popadom or two for people who don't deserve special treatment. I've had a few run ins with him and found him to be a condescending twat determined to cover his own backside. Nothing new there then.

Curry on laughing Mr Rodford.

Curry Up Guv

Yes, Whitemoor hits the headlines once again. I swear if there was an award for the nation's silliest prison it would win gold medals across the board.

So they're now running out for takeaway curries for Muslim prisoners....

Wonder if the "other" prisoners [you know, the actual British ones] got some fish and chips at the same time....

Sauce for the goose but none for the gander. Well, only if the goose is Muslim apparently.

Instruction Manual?

Is it just me or does this latest "celebrity" indiscretion sound a bit "iffy"?

I'm not a big fan of the chefs on the telly. Personally I think they should stay in the kitchen and do the job they've trained to do. If I want to hear bad language on my telly - I'll tune into some rubbish "alternative" comedian, not Gordon "fuckity fuckery fuck" Ramsey.

Ms Symonds has written a book ... wow... where does she find the time with all the glorified prostituion she's involved in? Not only is this book something to be more laughed at than pitied, it's my opinion that if you're going to write an "instruction" manual on how to be a mistress, surely you should be a good one?

Being a mistress means being discrete and not being caught, sadly this woman has outed almost all of her "victims" in the hunt for self promotion. Who in their right mind would dip their winkle into this "cum bucket" [not my phrase I hasten to add] To quote another one of my family's colourful phrases "a standing prick and a wet fanny have no conscience" but to be honest, shouldn't they at least have some common sense and a bit of taste?

The advice given in this book reads like a 1950's housewife good house-keeping book. She's thrown feminism back about fifty damn years...

'You don't want to open the door to greet him wearing those awful secret baggy velour sweatpants and old slippers. He gets that at home.'

'Liberally apply the strongest smelling perfume you can find all over yourself and on everything he touches.'

'Aim to practise some extra special sexual techniques in the bedroom afterwards. He will soon forget the absence of that bouquet garni in your coq au vin. Trust me!'

Trust you? Only about as far as I could throw you...

In the Beginning....

was the word.

Fantabulous - there's a word. Fuckityfuck... there's an even better word.

This is my blog for better or for worse. To start off I suppose I'd better describe what I'm about.

I'm fed up with the biased views of the tabloids and newspapers, so I've decided I can give my own biased view just as well as the next person. I will from time to time, ramble on about myself and my family, but you'll just have to grit your teeth and ignore all that.

Some of the things I say will be strictly tongue in cheek, but not all. I can get very passionate about things...

Like cleaning the downstairs loo every five minutes.